Sleeve Notes
In a previous blog about 'Healthy Change' here, I talked through a number of things you could do to keep your change experience positive.
Here, I am delving deeper into the parts of change you may need to go through before acceptance, new behaviours & moving forward can take place.
Let me be clear, the stages I am about to mention are not a given route.
You may experience them all or none at all, and in a different order. This depends on what you think and feel about the change happening around you and how it evolves over time.
Also consider, what is a positive change for one person, may be a negative one (perceived or genuine) for someone else.
I have added some questions to ask yourself and offer support at each stage. I hope you find them helpful.
The 'Change' happens...
Side 1 - Shock/Denial
You probably feel this has come out of the blue.
You may have thought you were prepared for it, but it's still come as a shock.
You may want to bury your head in the sand.
You might want to ignore people and things that are part of this change.
Helping yourself
Who do I need to talk this through with to gain a full understanding of the change ahead?
Who is the confidante I can talk to and say how I feel/what I think?
What do I need to know to help me move beyond this phase?
What might be positive about this change, maybe not now but in the future?
How does ignoring the situation help me?
Side 2 - Anger/Frustration
You may feel change is 'being done to you', without your permission!
Change is happening for the sake of change...it's frustrating you.
You perceive you have no voice, no say.
Reality arrives, fear strikes and anger is what others see & hear.
You could feel threatened/vulnerable/stressed/anxious - all of which may manifest itself as anger.
Helping yourself
What am I angry about?
Who am I angry with?
Why does this matter?
How is anger helping me?
What is my anger really about?
What/who will help me to calm my anger?
Who can I be angry with, in a safe environment, until I feel calm and rational?
What/Who can I put in place to help me manage my anger and frustration?
Side 3 - Withdrawal
You may become quiet/silent.
A sense of hopelessness.
Take yourself away from other people.
Reject things you normally enjoy.
Reject people you normally enjoy spending time with.
Loneliness, regret, sadness.
Sleep more, but not necessarily well.
Eat junk or not eat enough.
Ignore personal health needs.
Helping yourself (This stage can be particularly tough)
Who is the one person that can get me started on the road to recovery? (Doctor, Counsellor, Therapist, Coach.)
How can I use my feelings to help me through this period in my life?
What routines could I gradually put in place to help me throughout the day?
What/Who is important to me in life that will give me a reason to feel better?
Who will I ask to check in with me, empathise and challenge me to get better, at a pace that works for me?
Side 4 - Accepting & Experimenting
You may feel nervous and unsure.
You are ready to try things out.
You may want more support than usual , in the first instance.
You are willing to start letting go.
You begin to find your place in the 'new world'
You may decide it's time to move on to something/someone else.
Helping yourself
What do I have influence over?
What do I have control over?
What do I want to do first?
What/Who's support would I appreciate?
What Ideas do I have for this new way of being/working?
What are the benefits I can see now for me and others?
How can I demonstrate my worth in the new world?
What roles are better suited to my skills and qualities?
What will make me feel happier and more fulfilled?
The Download
And so, now you are moving forward. Change is always happening and you may not even notice it's going on. When you do though, it's good to recognise what is happening to us. Are we moving with it straight away or have we become attached to one or more of the stages above.
The longer you stay in those stages can make it much more difficult to move away from them.
If we are prepared to do something about it, however difficult this might be, we give ourselves the opportunity to experience a brighter and healthier future.
Comments