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Now thats what I call coaching 5 - Identifying unhelpful worrying

Sleeve Notes

I worry, you worry, we all worry and we show it in different ways & to different degrees.

There are some upsides, for example it shows that we care, It demonstrates it’s important to us and where our current priorities lie.

The thing is though, can we recognise when it’s doing us more harm than good?, creating unnecessary anxiety, stress and indeed affecting our health & happiness.

This weeks ‘Sides’ are designed to help raise awareness of and regulate your own worry.

Side 1 - What are you worried about?

  • Make a note of everything that concerns you, big, small and everything in-between.

  • Cross through the things you have no influence or control over. You are using valuable energy worrying about it!

  • It may also help to identify at this stage, if your worries are fact based.

  • Now move what's left to a new page.            


Side 2 - How much Influence do you have over this worry?

Consider what influence you have over each of the worries that are left.

Doing this will help you root out what you can and can't control. It requires you to be robust & honest with yourself for it to be effective.

You may want to score the amount of influence you believe you have over a situation on a scale of 1 - 10. Anything lower than 5 would suggest you need to accept the situation and move on.

Ask yourself...

  • Why is having influence over this situation important to me?

  • What/Who/Where/When/How - do I want to Influence?

  • What outcomes will help me to let go and move on?

  • How will I manage myself & accept the situation, If I don't get the outcomes I am looking for?

  • How will I identify when to let go if I've influenced the situation all I can?

Side 3 - What is within your control?

Once you have let go of what you can't control or influence anymore, you should be left with what you can do something about.

You have the following to support positive outcomes.

  • Breathing (Take some deep ones to help balance your thoughts)

  • Being grateful for what you've got. (We can get so consumed in worry that we forget what we already have that makes us happy & thankful)

  • How you behave

  • How you want to make others feel

  • How you react

  • Your body language

  • Your mental and physical fitness. (Any exercise is good for the mind, body, spirit and soul)

  • Your diet (Food changes the mood - I'll leave the research to you!)

  • Getting enough sleep (Log the positive actions you will take when you wake up tomorrow and say goodnight to them before you go to sleep)

  • What you say

  • When you say it

  • What you do

  • How you do it

  • When you do it

  • What you value

  • Your beliefs

  • Your triggers (Noticing them, managing them & choosing a better route)

  • Your inner voice (Can be very unhelpful & fictitious, so let it have it's say then calm it down and return to facts, balance, calm and control)

Side 4 - What will you do about it that’s helpful for you and those around you?

As an example, you can control your behaviour & response towards a situation. You can choose to respond in a way that...

  • Helps others to understand the impact the situation has on you rather than making it about other people and what you deem to be their faults.

  • Helps you to bring closure to the situation without making yourself or others involved feel devalued.

  • Helps you understand your triggers and make an active choice to take an approach that helps you to remain calm and stop you from overreacting.

  • Keeps the focus on the facts & how it impacts you.

  • Stops you worrying about things you can do nothing about.

  • Controls & minimises feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated.

If you are having difficulty with these things and you would like to know how a Coach might help you, check out the differences between coaching, counselling & therapy on my website, here & my FAQ's on coaching here.


There is hollow glory in feeling superior, winning an argument, forcing an apology or being right. Entering a potentially concerning conversation without judgement, with active listening and with positive intent is a good place to start. Coming away with acceptance from both parties, being able to let go and move on is the real glory.

The Download

Worry has the intention of alerting you to potential dangers, so you can figure out what action to take and put in place useful coping mechanisms.

Overestimating the worry and underestimating your ability to cope with it results in unhelpful thoughts and lingering anxiety & stress.

Helpful worry is accurate, logical, factual & motivates you to take appropriate action, then goes away because you trusted your ability to deal with it.

With thanks to Steven Covey and his circle of control

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