Sleeve Notes
Well, lets see. How about we start with how it can be helpful in some instances, where there is a listening ear, giving you the opportunity to have your rant, not be judged and help you calm down, in a safe environment.
A few years ago, for the first time in my life, I had some counselling to help me with what I believed to be feelings of anger, which were completely out of character for me.
It turned out my anger was a bi-product of something else. I also had all the answers to help myself.
At the time though, I just needed to talk it through with someone, in this case a counsellor.
Depending on how you feel and what you believe about your anger may help you to determine who could help you work through your scenario.
Think about it this way...
A Therapist - therapeutic/psychological support/treatment/rehabilitation in different specialised fields.
A Counsellor - supports with therapeutic conversation to help you understand your past experiences and how they may have an impact on your present state. This may lead to some advice from the counsellor.
A Coach - Supports individuals, through listening and targeted questioning, to focus on finding their own solutions, seeking opportunities and creating a new future for themselves.
Here are some questions, curated from my experience, both personally and professionally with the focus coming from a coaching perspective.
Side 1 - Ask yourself these questions first...
What are the current triggers for my anger?
What unusual behaviours can I see in myself?
Why does being 'angry' matter to me?
How would others describe my temperament at the moment?
What impact is my behaviour having on the people who are important to me?
What difference could it make to me & others if I quieten this anger?
How/Where can I have my 'angry moment' safely?
What one thing could I try doing differently to help remove/reduce my anger?
You might not be able to answer all these questions yet. That's ok.
If you are looking for solutions, you are already on the first step to success.
A coach can help you to unlock more answers if you are looking to have less nager in your life. (See sleeve notes)
Side 2 - You could also try some of these for yourself...
Some of these might sound obvious, however how often do we/you really put them into practice in the heat of the moment?
At the very least they will help you to focus on something other than anger.
Breathe - Deeply, slowly and purposefully. In through your nose, out through your mouth.
Exercise - Walk, run, get on your bike, pump iron, hit a punchbag!
Stretch - All your muscles, especially from the neck up. That's where the most tension is likely to be.
Words - Speak words out loud that help you calm down and take you to a better place.
Move - Get out of the angry environment and find somewhere quiet to focus on softer sounds or take a break for sustenance.
Music - If you can, put your headphones on and release the anger with appropriate tunes.
Shut up - Collect your thoughts before saying something you might regret.
Action - Do something productive to harness your angry energy.
Write - Write it all down, get it off your chest and process your anger.
Rehearse - your response. It will help you to be factual, consider true impacts on yourself and others plus come up with some potential solutions.
Routine - Change it if your current routine is having the 'anger effect'.
Talk - To a trusted friend, get it off your chest before the cork explodes!
Laugh - Find your funny on social media or wherever it may be.
Perspective - A good time to think about & prioritise what is good in your life.
Draft - Put it in an email, keep it in draft. Come back to it when you've calmed down. What needs to change or maybe you can delete it now the red mist has gone?
Empathy - How is your anger/behaviour impacting on others around you?
Pants - Put your big one's on. Be forgiving, understanding, accepting, the bigger person. Say your piece calmly, factually and with the focus on the impact it's had on you, give the other person an opportunity to respond, then let it go!
Stop - Try to stop doing/eating/taking things that contribute to your frustrations/anger.
If you can't or don't know what they are, think about who could help you raise your awareness or offer you support.
Side 3 - It might not be about anger at all
It wasn't for me in the end. The 'labelled anger' (frustration actually) was the end emotion, but finding what triggered this emotion helped me to understand what I needed to change.
In this case, anxiety leading to poor sleep, poor eating and excessive worrying.
By breaking this down and considering what changes I had influence and control over and not worrying about the things I could do nothing about helped me to reduce my outward frustrations, focus on what was important and crucially take action to make things better.
Side 4 - So what can you say to your future self about managing anger?
Recognise triggers and find a more positive method to process & react to them.
Make others aware of what is important to me, rather than what makes me angry.
My motivations will be different to others. Some times they will connect and sometimes they will clash. When they clash, I'll try to understand where the other person is coming from.
Pay attention to my body. What's happening when I feel anger appearing. Find my respite, maybe from the list above (Side 2)
The Download (It's a short one!)
Anger, is it really worth it?
No.
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