Sleeve Notes
Well, different things for different people, naturally.
We may not even know why we lack (or perceive we lack) confidence.
This is one of the areas a Coach can be really supportive, understanding, solution/future focused and impartial...among many other positive things!
Side 1 - Some key, (but not all of the reasons) people may lack confidence and could* have support from a coach to move forward.
Comparing yourself to others
Childhood/Family/Personal history
Previous (perceived or real) humiliation
Unrealistic expectations
Too much challenge and stretch, leading to stress and failure in the eyes of the person on the receiving end.
Being over critical of oneself
Social Media performance
Lack of skill/knowledge (again, perceived or real)
*Some confidence scenario's may require a counsellor or therapist in the first instance if, for example you need to work through problems and historical trauma.
The role of the Coach is to help the client move forward with solutions that are positive, future thinking and owned by the client to implement.
A good Coach will be able to help you make the decision that is right for you, when you initially speak with them.
Side 2 - Some, (but not all the areas) these confidence issues may come from.
Comparing yourself to others
Social Media.
Artificial Intelligence.
The need to 'fit in', peer pressure.
Neighbour envy.
Not feeling good enough.
Someone said something to you just once, and it stayed with you.
Childhood/Family/Personal history
Parental expectations.
Poor parenting.
Trauma.
Losing family members (Divorce/Bereavement).
Splitting with your partner.
Not 'fitting in' at school.
Attacks on identity.
Academic pressures.
Social media bullying.
Sibling favouritism from parents.
Previous humiliation
Being laughed at for something that is important to you.
Made to look stupid when your intentions were to be supportive.
Unrealistic expectations
Being told you can be anything you want to be.
Feeling pressure to be someone you're not.
Feeling pressure to do something you don't want to do.
Impossible deadlines.
Everything must be perfect.
Too much challenge & stress
Your Manager not really understanding or having the conversation about your skill set, what you enjoy, what motivates you or how to use your skills to their best advantage.
You saying 'Yes' when you mean 'No' - Trying to please everyone and/or needing to be liked.
Performing a 'role' you perceive society expects from you.
Being over critical of oneself
Lack of self worth.
Overthinking a situation.
Focusing on what you don't do well, rather than what you do well.
Focusing on fiction rather than fact.
Wanting to be perfect when good is enough.
Social Media performance
Others appear to be living a better life than you.
Others appear to have a more fulfilling career than you.
Others appear to look better than you.
Others appear happier than you.
Others appear more influential than you.
Lack of skill/knowledge
Pressure on oneself to know something about everything.
The need to belong.
Peer pressure (Conscious & unconscious).
Side 3 - Some (but not all the questions) you could ask yourself or work through with a Coach)
Comparing yourself to others
What am I trying to understand about myself by looking at others?
Who am I trying to impress?
Why does this matter so much?
When did I first notice I was doing this?
Where have these comparisons been helpful in my life so far?
Childhood/Family/Personal history
What do I want to be different now I'm an adult?
Who could support me now, without judgement?
Where would I like my life to be in 6 months time?
What will I do with these memories to help me move forward?
Previous humiliation
Why is this important to me?
How will I let others know the impact their actions have had on me?
What do people appreciate about me?
Why am I holding on to this?
Unrealistic expectations
What does 'I can be anything I want to be' mean to me?
How do I feel when I'm trying to be someone I'm not?
When does perfect get in the way of good?
Who/where do I need support from to manage my deadlines?
Too much challenge and stress
When will I organise a conversation with my Manager?
How do I feel when I've said 'Yes' & mean 'No'?
What would happen if I said 'No'? (Facts please!)
Where do I feel pressure in my life?
What's the first step I can take to give myself a break?
Being overcritical of oneself
How do I separate fact from fiction?
Who has told me all the negative things I believe I am?
What do I do well?
What do others value about me?
Where can I make a positive difference to others?
Social Media performance
What makes me feel proud of myself?
How can I help myself when I feel overwhelmed with Social Media?
What do I think are the most important qualities for success?
What proof do I have that others are leading a better life than me?
What things am I proud of in my life? (At least 10 please!)
Lack of skill/knowledge
What would happen if I said, I would like to know more about this?
What skills/knowledge/experience do I bring to the table?
How do I make others aware of what my skill set is?
Why is it hard to say 'I don't know'?
Side 4 - Some things (but not all the things) you may consider helpful.
(My role as a Coach is not to give you advice, so take the following suggestions as things that have helped me and my clients. The most important thing to consider is what you believe will work for you, and if you are not sure...
Comparing yourself to others
Take a break from social media.
Ask those you trust what you do well.
Take time to do some things you enjoy.
Separate fact from fiction.
Childhood/Family/Personal history
Write down the positive things that have come out of your historically negative situations - share it with a friend.
Decide what you are going to let go of from your past and note how doing this will help your future.
Focus on the 'you' now. Where do you want to be in the next few months?
Previous humiliation
You can't force change on others but you can say the impact it's having on you and what you would like to be different.
Unrealistic expectations
Think about what makes you happy, keeps you motivated and is aligned to what you value most. This helps you focus your energy on what you really want out of life.
Too much challenge and stress
Consider how you will say 'no' by asking for extra time to think about it.
Offer a compromise.
Offer an alternative.
Be firm but courteous. State your needs in a positive way.
Don't take offence. You may want to thank them for giving you the opportunity.
Practice saying 'No' during your daily routine in easier situations.
Being overcritical of oneself
Write down what you know to be factually true about yourself.
Write down what you've said to yourself that's actually fiction.
Ask someone you trust and know's you well to hold you to account when there's no proof for what you are saying.
Social Media performance
You can't control what others do or appear to be doing, but you can have a positive influence and ultimately control over how you feel about it, respond to it and detach yourself from it.
It is what it is...a performance.
Lack of skill/knowledge
Remove the work 'Lack' and replace it with the skills/knowledge & experience you have. This includes life experience as much as academic/work based.
If others know what you bring to the table, it helps them to support you and know you better.
There's nothing wrong with asking to know more rather than pretending to know already.
The Download
Being confident helps you gain credibility, creates a strong first impression, is attractive and helps you deal with challenges and the pressures of day to day life.
It appears some people just breeze through life with confidence, but we all need some support from time to time, even the breezers!
As someone said to me recently, we are all a work in progress. Take some time now to consider who and/or what can help you to build your personal strength and belief in yourself.
Comentarios