Word of the week - Homophily

Definition - A general human tendency to associate and bond with those who are similar to ourselves which often translates into strong same-gender friendships.

This week, I am interviewing myself through the medium of Coaching to understand how Homophily presented itself in my own life.

Where is your comfort zone?

Well, it was my perception that as a gay man, women & other gay men (to a certain extent) were my bond.

After realising at a later stage in my life why I was avoiding heterosexual men (I won't bore you with this now). This was the beginning of me coming out (pun intended) of my personal comfort zone.

What have you learnt about yourself as a homophile?

On the one hand it created a perception of safety and not having to think too hard in conversation when I remained in this comfort zone.

On the other hand I was missing out on having some great life expanding conversations. I allowed myself to expand my horizons rather late in life.

How do you feel about it today?

I actively seek out people who are different to me when it's practical to do so. The difficulty can be finding others who also want the same. After all, from a societal point of view we are programmed not to.

This is where my work as a Coach really helps me, as much as my client.

Although we have a chemistry meeting to make sure we are the right fit for one another, this doesn't necessarily mean we have the same thoughts, feelings etc...

Indeed it's all about the client, anyway.

What would you say to others?

This isn't about leaping into totally uncomfortable situations, it's about taking one step out of your comfort zone, talking and learning from one other person that you see as different to you.

If we did more of this as a society we might be more understanding, less reactionary and able to navigate relationships with greater clarity.

Where are you now?

I'm in a cafe. Every table is occupied by women catching up with each other. Not a man in sight, apart from me of course!

If I was down the pub (not my natural habitat!), maybe I would be saying the same about men catching up over a pint.

(N.B. - Yes, I know there will be exceptions, but that's just it, they are exceptions!)