Sleeve Notes
We are seeing more symbolism (awareness days/weeks for example) throughout the year, in addition to the 'symbols' we are already familiar with, such as poppy badges, red ribbons, fireworks, Thanksgiving & of course Christmas.
There seems to be a rather concerning trend to shame others if they don’t ‘conform’ to what the apparent majority consider to be the right thing to do.
This is evident in the news this week with headlines such as “Should we name and shame people who don’t wear a poppy?”
Incidentally, just two days after Remembrance Sunday is World Kindness Day.
Perhaps this is a good time to consider some coaching principles when thinking about why people don’t do the things you might expect of them.
Side 1 - Choice
In reality we don’t have choices with everything we do. In these cases though, we do and it is everyones right to be able to make these choices for themselves.
What if you don’t agree with this?
Respect their decision and withhold judgement. In any event, if we were all the same, life would be very dull!
In Coaching
It’s not important whether I agree with the client or not. This is what is important and works for them. My role and purpose is to be non-judgemental, objective and impartial.
Side 2 - Curiosity
It can be helpful for both parties to be curious, for example, around the reasons for wearing/ not wearing the poppy.
What if you want to know why someone is not wearing a poppy?
Think about how you phrase and communicate this question or thought.
For example, “Do you mind if I ask you…” or “I am genuinely interested in your perspective on poppy wearing” rather than “Why are you not…”
Sounds obvious, but if it’s an emotive subject for you, it might be delivered as an accusation rather than a curiosity.
In Coaching
When I first meet with a client I will always ask them if they are happy for me to be respectfully curious.
This helps me to understand the ‘whole’ person. For instance, if I hear “I should be doing this” from my client, my curiosity would say “What do you really want to do?”
Side 3 - Confidentiality
Of course, you could just skip section two with regard to the poppy and just say it’s nobody's business except the person making the choice.
In Coaching
Confidentiality is an agreement between myself and the client so we can start from a position of trust.
If the client chooses to discuss their coaching 121 after the event with others, that is their choice.
Side 4 - Coaching
There are a number of elements eluded to in the blog where coaching can help a client explore the 4c's further. Here are a few of them.
Positive communication
Perspective
Seeing the bigger picture
Understanding where others are coming from
Letting go of control when it’s not yours to have
Showing respect for others choices
If you feel really passionate or righteous about something, it can sometimes be hard to see or hear alternative views.
It’s not saying you are wrong, just that there are people with different thoughts and opinions out there and they are just as important to them as yours are to you.
Here’s a thought...
As November 13th is World Kindness Day, if you believe you could have communicated better with someone recently, why not do or say something to make their day (and yours!) a bit better?
The choice is yours of course!
The Download
I guess we all feel at times that following the crowd is something we should do for an easy life.
However, when it starts impacting on who you are, what's important to you, your beliefs and values, is it really worth it?
If you feel at 'risk' of losing your identity, reclaim what is yours and be open enough to welcome curiosity and even respectful challenge about your choices.
It doesn't mean you have to change your view. What this does offer you though is a different perspective and a piece of the bigger picture.
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