Coach Comment - Why do people say that?

Some words can have different meanings for different people, even triggering something unpleasant when perhaps they were meant to be positive.

BOTH giver and receiver are responsible for what they do or say next!

Giver - Pause before you speak, even if it's giving a reaction to what someone has said. It's likely you will be more considered in your approach, even if you still feel the need to be mean!

Receiver - if words trigger a negative response, you too can pause, reflect & educate the other person without making them feel bad or patronised.

Here are some personal examples to demonstrate what can get in the way for me.

You are welcome of course to disagree.

"I think we should tolerate this/them..."

Although the dictionary definitions imply this to mean something positive, when I see descriptions like 'allow the existence', 'passive acceptance' & 'indifference', I am led to sentences like 'put up with'

This is wishy washy language in my book.

What would be better then? -Either accept it or don't. I would much rather you be definitive in your response, then we both know where we stand.

"I'm part of the Queer community"

Appears to be said everywhere now as if the whole gay 'community' has willingly reclaimed this word.

For some, I appreciate not all people, this is still and will remain an offensive word. When you've spent years fighting against it and suddenly it's supposed to empower everyone, it feels like what was the point of all that struggle and therefore becomes even more offensive!

What would be better then? - Be curious, ask me or ignore the label game completely and turn the tables on me with some open coaching questions!

"Hi mate, would you mind..."

I accept this is an easy, common friendly term for many, which is fine if you know the person. It always feels somewhat disingenuous when it's someone you don't know. I'm left feeling there is another agenda going on.

What would be better then? - Ask what my name is - much more thoughtful and more likely to get what you want!

"Hi guys, how are we doing..."

Comes across as insincere and rather lazy in my book.

What would be better then? - A simple gesture to show you are interested in me or if there are a lot of people... 'Hello everybody/everyone' with a view to finding out names along the way.

What words or sentences can get in the way of you having great conversations and what are you going to do about it this year?