Why don't people say what they mean?
- ian37712
- Apr 21
- 2 min read
When was the last time you had a conversation with someone and...
The outcome was very different to what's been discussed & agreed?
The conversation seemed to go round in circles?
The other person was trying not to, but ultimately did offend you?
You were scratching your head trying to understand their behaviour?
Assumptions were made about you and/or the situation?
Fear of being direct, even if the other party has specifically said this is OK.
Seeing resolution as potential conflict rather than...well resolution!
Not trusting the situation will work out.
Wanting to present a specific image of themselves.
Feeling insecure when they perceive a vulnerability scenario.
Saying what they think others want to hear, even if they have no intention of going through with it.
and then...
Softening truths by apologising after the event.
In the end, this is folly. A lot of energy has been wasted by both parties when it could have been vocalised effectively & assertively in the first place.
What can you do?
In the first instance, take a step back and consider what important personal values were not being met in the situation...e.g. trust, honesty.
Consider your personal contract with one another. What is not being honoured?
Perhaps you need to redraw the boundaries. Do you have a contract with one another?
Now focus on yourself...you can only feel/think what you feel/think!
Be prepared to listen to the other persons point of view, whether you agree of not.
The point is to resolve the situation and move on...no festering!
And the questions you might want to ask...
When we agreed to do this, but didn't, I felt...
or
When we agreed to do this, but didn't, the impact on me was...
How do you remember the situation?
What were your intentions?
What would help me in future is...
This is important to me because...
What can we agree on now for us to move forward?
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