Sleeve Notes
Recently for a specific event, I have returned to a more traditional approach to manage my own thoughts, when there is a potential conflict resolution scenario ahead.
It's a way of taking a step back, helping me reflect on what I want to say and how I want to say it, while considering the perspective from both sides.
The Resolution Letter.
A Resolution Letter Playlist
Why write a letter?
To get all thoughts written down and in front of you.
To sense check your thoughts - are you being reasonable?
To give you an opportunity to adjust what you want to say.
To feel better in yourself.
To calm yourself.
To prepare yourself.
What will you do with the letter?
Sense check the content with someone you trust before doing anything.
Keep the letter just for yourself (in an envelope or in draft/a file)...it could be enough just writing it.
Rehearse with it to prepare yourself for a verbal conversation.
Send/give it to the person, giving them time and space to read it.
How will you communicate afterwards? (Whether you send the letter or not)
Factually (remember, your feelings and the impact on you are facts too.)
With good emotions - In other words, emotions which are consistent with the truth.
With non threatening body language. This includes your facial expressions. Be calm!
By listening. You've said your piece, now give the other person the space to respond, without interruption.
With silence. By this I mean be comfortable during verbal communication with quiet. It gives both parties time to reflect and shows you are giving the situation due thought and consideration.
Where will it all end?
With full resolution, hopefully.
What if it doesn't?
Find a compromise.
Create a 'work in progress plan' - Steps towards resolution over agreed periods of time.
Agree to disagree, ideally by understanding where the other person is coming from and why their view is important to them. (It will help the disagreement to feel more palatable).
Focus on what you have control over and be clear about what you don't...then let that part go.
The Download
I have said it before and I will re-iterate it here.
If you can turn a potentially negative word into a kinder and more positive one for yourself, you are more likely to look for solutions & understanding rather than problems and the need to be right all the time.
In this case, turning the word conflict into resolution. After all, unless you really enjoy a personal war with someone, most people are looking for that resolution, so we can move on.
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