Sleeve Notes
No matter what gender we are, we've all had or indeed like a good gossip.
Perhaps take a moment to consider...
Why do we do it?
How can we be more mindful of the consequences of cheap talk?
How can we stop getting ourselves dragged into other peoples gossip?
How can we hold ourselves accountable?
It's worth bearing in mind that we may think of all gossip as harmful, this is not true as we could be talking about someone who we want to help and support.
For the purposes of this blog though, I am focusing on the unhelpful side of gossip.
Side 1 - Some possible reasons why we gossip?
We have been gossiping since we were kids, it's part of life. It's 'helped' us to feel part of a tribe, gang, clique etc.
It gives us an opportunity to 'discuss' people who aren't present in what we deem to be a safe environment.
It's a social activity for us.
It takes the focus away from us (our own self esteem perhaps?).
We don't have to face our own reality.
We can't help ourselves!
It can be an indirect form of bullying.
It helps us find our place in the hierarchy.
Side 2 - Some ways to be mindful of cheap talk
Be conscious of what you are saying and doing - are you being true to your values and beliefs?
How are you being held accountable for what you say in your 'Gossip Group'?
Spend more time listening than talking, it will help you to make better decisions about what you communicate to the group and...what you listen to.
What is your purpose in this 'Gossip Group'?
How can you turn your cheap words into valuable ones?
What you are saying....is it necessary?
Side 3 - Stop yourself getting dragged into other peoples gossip
Start by considering how you would feel if others were gossiping about you.
How helpful will joining this 'group' be for you?
What happens if you join the group, do something that doesn't conform to their 'rules' and they turn their attention to you?
How can you steer conversations away from gossip?
How will you stand up for what is right and true?
Conversation turned from fact to fiction?...make your excuses and leave.
Side 4 - Personal accountability for gossiping
Take responsibility for your actions, no excuses.
If you've got something to say, say it directly to the person involved... ...a good tip here is to focus on the impact it's having on you, not telling the other person they need to change.
If you've got something you want to know, ask the person involved.
Be curious and respectful when talking directly to the person at the centre of the gossip.
Consider how gossiping affects your productivity?
Seek out alternative perspectives. (From the person being talked about might be a good idea?)
Consider the judgements you are making.
Never mind their reputation, what about yours?
The Download
Three easy questions to ask yourself if you get caught up in gossip.
What is true?
What is useful?
What is good about this for me and others involved?
Don't forget to have some compassion for yourself, especially if you are feeling bad about being part of the gossip. You can still put it right. Learning from our mistakes is part of life.
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