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Confessions of a Coach Episode 2 - I'll Limit My Time In Negative Environments


As a Coach one of the things I ask my clients to share with me is what they have learnt about themselves from their experiences, particularly while working through their goals with me.


Those conversations are confidential of course but I thought it might be useful to share some of my personal experiences & thoughts in life, together with some tips that have helped me personally as a Coach.


This week I share my take on negativity and how to turn unhelpful thoughts into positive & motivating actions.

I hope it helps you or someone you know.

Please note: If you are reading this and constantly experiencing negative thoughts or consider that you may be depressed , it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional.


Where do I begin...


Hey, I’m OK around negative people…for a short time. There is always a reason why someone feels that way and why they are feeling it’s truly justified. I’m very happy to be supportive, but there comes a time where we all need to reframe our thoughts for our own wellbeing, take control of OUR actions and work towards a positive outcome.


Do you recognise any of these…


This ALWAYS happens to me

Why does NOTHING ever go right

I’ll NEVER find anyone

THEY ALL hate me

I SHOULD be doing some exercise

I COULD be eating healthier

IT’S not my fault

If THEY took responsibility, none of this would’ve happened



I’m all for someone having a rant, getting it off their chest, having a few pessimistic moments, I’ve done it myself, but there comes a time (sooner rather than later) to ask yourself “So, what am I going to do about it?"


I’m not saying all your perceived problems are just going to melt away , but take a minute…STOP! and think about how you might reframe your thoughts and try something different.


I'M AFRAID MOST AROUND YOU DON'T SEE YOUR NEGATIVE SITUATION AS IMPORTANT AS YOU DO, SO YOU MAY AS WELL TRY TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY AS YOU SEEM TO CARE A LOT ABOUT IT!


Believe me, your friends, colleagues, partners, relatives etc will thank you for it!

While I know it can be hard for the person with a negative thought it also can be draining for those around them.


Firstly, ask yourself, how are these thoughts helping me?


Here are some alternatives to the statements I highlighted earlier and some open questions to help you explore the situation further…

This ALWAYS happens to me

Always?

What is happening now and how can I improve the situation?


Why does NOTHING ever go right

Nothing?

Who can help me put things in perspective?

How can I help myself put things in perspective?


I’ll NEVER find anyone

Never?

What would happen if I did?

How can I make better connections?

What first step will I take?

THEY ALL hate me

They?

What facts do I have to back this up?

How can I determine this is actually true?

How can I remove myself from this situation?

How can I help myself to feel better about this?

What is really happening here?

I SHOULD be doing some exercise

Should?

What do I actually want to do?

How will exercise help me?

What small step will I take, that’s realistic for me, to get started?

How can I make exercise work for me?

Where can I find support?

I COULD be eating healthier

Could?

What do I mean by healthy?

What am I prepared to compromise with my current eating habits?

What first step can I take that’s realistic for me?

How will I keep on track & motivated?

What’s my end goal here?

Who could support me?


IT’s not my fault

It?

Whose fault is it then?

What makes me say this?

In hindsight, what responsibility should I have taken for this situation?

How will I take responsibility when I catch myself saying this again?

If THEY took responsibility, none of this would’ve happened

They?

What responsibility would I like them to take and how will it make life better?

What is my responsibility in this situation?

How am I going to make this situation better for everyone, including me?


In conclusion

The passive mindset is defined by an attitude, an assumption that life happens to you and you’re not responsible. People with this mindset also say things like, “Why does this always happen to me?”


An active attitude means ownership. You own your personal development. An active mindset means you are responsible for things you can control.

N.B. If you can't control it, why are you wasting your energy there!



Till next time

Ian.




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